Tension is a Passing Note
by andyoullenjoyit
Summary: A collection of short stories/drabbles chronicling the lives of Meredith and Addison. Follow them through love, loss and life's milestones as they become closer than anyone thought possible.
1. 1,1 I Can See You in the Snow

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

**Part One, Section One: ****I can see you in the snow**

Addison smiled as she sifted through the photo albums that had been lovingly created and preserved in a box in her mother's attic. Her mother had just passed and Meredith had been kind enough to come to New York with her to help her and Archer sort through their mother's things. Although Bizzy Montgomery had not maintained the best relationship with her daughter, instead preferring her son Archer, Addison had known that her mother loved her. Maybe not as much as her father, who used to take her sailing had, but the feeling had existed at some point. Looking through the albums, scrapbooks and certificates of achievement that her mother had saved cemented that fact.

The giggle that she so loved sounded a few feet away from her and after a moment a photo was placed in her lap and a pair of arms wrapped around her waist from behind.

"Addie, that is absolutely precious. Look at you!"

Picking up the picture, Addison could see why Meredith had laughed. The picture showed a four-year-old Addison, decked out in a snowsuit making a snow angel chain and waving at the camera. She had a dark purple snowsuit and a matching hat, gloves and scarf- she was so bundled up that the only reason Meredith had recognized her aside from the label was that her brilliant red hair fanned out into the snow around her, forming a fiery halo.

"Where was this taken?"

"In Vermont, we have a cabin at a ski resort that we would go to every year. My mother left it to me, I'll have to take you sometime."

"We have to get out of this attic first!"

Laughing, Addison kissed Meredith softly before they returned to their tedious task.

_A/N: "Tension is a Passing Note" is going to be a 14 part collection of drabbles involving the life of Meredith and Addison. All the chapter titles are from the background harmony done by Dan from Jars of Clay during Sixpence None the Richer's "Silent Night"- I was going to wait to post this but after Sara Ramirez's lovely rendition tonight on Grey's, I couldn't resist. Saving Meredith will not take a back burner and will be up on Saturday (I'm taking a vow of silence tomorrow so I can't post) since I have a few last minute kinks to work out. Enjoy!_


	2. 1,2 I Can Tell That You've Been Crying

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

**Part One, Section Two: I can tell that you've been crying**

Addison tiptoed into the on-call room to find Meredith curled up on the bed. Her eyes were puffy and there were tear tracks, letting Addison know that she had definitely been crying. Addison slipped into the bed behind her and wrapped her arms around Meredith's slender body, holding her close.

Meredith turned over so that she was face to face with Addie. "How did you know I was here?"

"Callie told me as soon as I got out of surgery, she saw you come in. Are you okay Mer? You… don't normally cry and you're crying, so please don't say that you're fine." Addison looked into her lover's eyes imploringly. "Please Mer, trust me."

Meredith looked at her for a few minutes before speaking. "It's been a year today, Addie… this is my first Thanksgiving without seeing or talking to her in 10 years and I don't know what to do!"

Meredith's tears were back and Addison pulled her close, stroking her back and kissing her on the head. Addison had almost forgotten, but last year Molly Thomson, Meredith's sister, had been killed in a car crash on her way back from the hospital for Laura's 6-month check up with Addison. Meredith, Molly and Lexie had met by accident 10 years ago at a summer camp in Washington that Ellis had forced Meredith to go to- Meredith had been Molly and Lexie's counsellor. They had been surprised to find out that they were sisters but had kept in touch and grown very close. Meredith had been just as devastated as Lexie when Molly died- Molly was 8 years younger than her and she had loved playing the role of overprotective big sister.

Meredith's sobs brought her back to the present and Addison tried to sooth her. "Hush, sweetheart, it's going to get better, I promise."

"But Addie… what if it doesn't? What if something happens to you and you leave me all alone?"

There it was, realized Addison, the root of the problem. The thought of leaving Meredith was painful and had never even occurred to her. In response, she squeezed Meredith even tighter.

"Mer, honey, look at me please." Meredith's tearful eyes looked at Addison hesitantly. "I swear that I will never, ever leave you, understand? Just like you'll never leave me. I love you, Meredith Grey, not Mark, Derek or anyone else. I love you and I especially love your rambling, your giggle, your smile and your dark and twisty side."

Meredith sniffed and Addison brushed some tears off her cheeks. "You do?"

Addison kissed her softly but full of her love for Meredith. "Of course."

After Meredith extracted a promise from Addison that they would take Laura out somewhere special when they had her tomorrow, the two lovers fell asleep with their bodies intertwined.

_A/N: Thanks once again to those who reviewed the first drabble and to everyone who added this to their alert/favourites! Just so you know, I wish that the three sisters would bond more on the show, there's so much potential. A special shout out to all my American readers- Happy almost Thanksgiving! Enjoy your parade, turkey and family time together this weekend. Oh, and if you're going shopping on Friday, try not to get hurt! Drabble #3 to follow._


	3. 1,3 There's Nothing in These Lights That

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: I know it's been a month but I plead the fifth (sweet sixteen + ISUs + pc/internet issues) so please don't kill me. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to anyone who's amazing enough to stick around! Now onto your double update :)_

**Part One, Section Three: ****There's nothing in these lights that glow**

The first thing you saw when you entered Seattle Grace was a very large Christmas tree that many of the patients, nurses and doctors had helped decorate. Since the fake tree had been put up three days ago there had been a steady stream of patients being wheeled down to add an ornament or to. Many of the children from paediatrics and oncology had coloured pictures or written letters for Santa that they had then put in the tree so that he could pick him up when he came to visit the hospital. Even the bed-ridden patients were heartened by the sight of decorations and the sound of holiday music.

In a rare burst of empathy and holiday cheer Cristina had even gotten a menorah and set up a separate area for the Jewish patients. Of course, this led to Meredith wondering just how Cristina was changing under Burke's influence. A few days before the wedding last year the two had decided to prolong the engagement. Meredith was positive that Cristina had been infected with Burke's holiday spirit the same way she had been infected with Addison's.

Tapping her pen impatiently on her completed chart, she waited for Addison to get out of surgery. Currently she was performing an in-utero operation for a woman whose daughter had been diagnosed with spina bifida. If everything went well her and Alex would be finished within the next hour. Sighing she decided to go and check on her post-op patients again. Most of the third year residents had already declared their specialties, but Meredith had decided to wait until May to declare hers. She was torn between a few of them and wanted to ensure that she made the best choice.

Once Addison scrubbed out, the two decided to go skating. Addison had suggested it and Meredith, who hated the ice, had only agreed because of the pleading look on Addison's face.

"Addie! Would you stop showing off?"

Addison relished in the sound of her girlfriend's giggling and shrieking as she spun past her on the ice, putting years of skating lessons to good use. "Not until you catch me first!" she yelled back, taking off gleefully again.

Eventually Meredith managed to catch Addison, but not after a long and tiring process of cat and mouse woven between all the other skaters present. To onlookers who didn't know the pair they were two best friends enjoying the holiday season. To those that did they were a close knit couple who were finally opening up and allowing themselves to be influenced by the other.


	4. 1,4 To Tell You That This World's Not Dy

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

**Part One, Section Four: ****To tell you that this world's not dying**

Derek Shepherd remembered clearly the day that he had almost lost Meredith Grey to death the first time. He had been in the OR trying to save Miranda Bailey's husband when they had gotten the call that it was a 'code black' and that they needed to clear out the OR. He was told that only Dr. Burke's surgical team was left other than his team and he accepted that because at that time it was not Meredith in danger. When Cristina Yang came into his OR and told him that Meredith was now the one with her hand on a bomb- he was dumbstruck. It took everything in him to finish his surgery and not kill Tucker. Yang informed him that they were moving the bomb away from the main oxygen line and to stay in the OR but her words sailed right over him. Meredith, his Meredith, had her hand on a bomb. She could die and he never would know if she loved him the way he loved her or even at all. He had thought that he could never feel worse until he heard it- the explosion.

He had just closed Tucker up when the hospital shook with the force of the blast. He saw the patient being wheeled out with Dr. Burke to a close OR and then he saw a body fly past him, leaving him to pray that it wasn't his Meredith. He didn't have a chance to check as the remainder of the bomb squad rushed in to check people for injuries. When he made it out into the hallway there was a crew cleaning up what looked like pink... no. No, no, no. It could not be his Meredith scattered across the floor, it just... no. He felt some pressure leave his shoulders when he realized it wasn't Meredith but Dylan, a member of the bomb squad who had died in the explosion.

When he saw the chief and asked where she was, he was frustrated that Richard didn't understand. He wasn't asking for his wife, he was asking for his Meredith, the woman who meant more to him then Addison ever could. When she hugged him, relieved that he was alright, he looked again at Richard and Adele, hoping for an answer to his silent query. Adele knew that Meredith was no longer with Derek and had no problem telling him what he needed to know.

'Is Meredith alright?'

'Yes, she's with her friends.'

'Oh, thank God.'

With that information it took everything he had not to cry tears of joy. He had come so close to losing his Meredith that it hurt to think about it. Visiting her that night might not have been smart but it comforted him, although looking back he should have known that her not remembering their last kiss was not a good thing. She had started being friends with Addison, spending spare time with her, going on coffee dates together. When Addison had served him the divorce papers the day before the awful hospital prom he had signed them, hoping to be with Meredith. Little had he known that Meredith had no intention of being with him. She had gone to prom with Finn but had spent most of her time with Addison, sitting and talking about Denny and Richard's niece. When Meredith and Addison began a relationship 3 weeks later he realized that the signs had been there all along and that he shouldn't have been surprised.

After her drowning it had become increasingly hard to be around them. He was angry, angry that it was Addison helping Meredith in his place. A year later he could say that his actions there were the most prominent that he could think of for why the two had alienated him. He had been a complete ass and now he was paying for it. Mer was a neuro resident but she would only speak to him on a professional level. It hurt, oh it hurt like hell to see her with Addison, his ex-wife, everyday but he was managing.

Barely.


	5. 1,5 Underneath These Blankets White

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: Sorry guys, I've been tied up with exams and other end-of-semester projects. My new semester starts tomorrow so hopefully things will be calm for a while._

**Part One, Section Five: ****Underneath these blankets white**

_Flashback- 1 month after prom_

Distantly she was aware of the sound of the front door slamming and feet pounding up the stairs. Hearing her name being yelled, she groaned and pulled the blanket over her head, causing the other occupant to snuggle closer to her for warmth. Suddenly the door flew open (she really needed to remember to lock it) and the person stormed over and yanked back the covers on the bed.

"Meredith Grey, we're going to be- oh my god!" Cristina actually gasped in shock, totally unprepared for what she saw. The sight of her best friend, naked, entangled with an equally naked Addison Montgomery was not what she had been expecting- she had been expecting some random man if anything.

Meredith shrieked and pulled the blankets back over them in vain as they sat up, Addison rubbing her eyes blearily.

"Mer, what's- oh. Morning, Yang."

Cristina had her eyes closed and was muttering under her breath. Meredith knew how unusual this was and shared a quick glance with Addison, concerned.

"Cris, are you okay?"

She gritted her teeth before responding. "Does it look like I'm okay Meredith? I'm trying to get the image of you and the She-Shepherd- "

"Montgomery!" Addison interjected.

"Of you and _Montgomery_, our female boss, naked together out of my head!" she finished irritably. "If anything I was expecting McAss!"

Meredith chose to ignore the dig about her former on-off relationship with Derek and glared instead.

"That's why one, you don't enter someone's bedroom without knocking and two, you don't yank the covers off unless you're positive they're alone!" Addison said crossly.

"Well excuse me; I wasn't aware there was someone else here. Meredith wasn't at the bar last night so I wasn't expecting anyone to be here," Cristina said bluntly.

"That was uncalled for Yang."

"Cristina! Did you stop to think that maybe I can have a relationship that doesn't start by picking them up in a bar?" Meredith said, sounding hurt.

"Well maybe- but not with a woman!"

Meredith just shook her head. "What did you come here for? Obviously there was a reason."

"We are late for work. Barbie and Evil Spawn called me because you weren't up yet and they thought you may be having 'feelings' and need a kick in the ass to get you going."

"The only feeling I'm having is the intense urge to Kevorkian your ass! I was still sleeping because I'm off until tomorrow and I didn't get off until 1 ... it's currently 5:30. So can you _please_ leave and go to work so that I can get more than 4 hours of sleep?"

"Sleep? Sure."

If looks could kill, Cristina would be six feet under from the glares being sent to her by the two women.

Cristina huffed and started to walk slowed towards the bedroom door. "Fine. If I miss a surgery because I had to come here, I swear..."

"The longer you're here the longer it will take you to get to the hospital Yang! What if someone else gets cardio?"

They both laughed at the sound of running footsteps, the door slamming and Cristina's motorcycle tearing out of the driveway.

Addison turned to Meredith with a pout. "Really Mer, sleep? You can't think of anything else...?" Her hand started tracing soft patterns on Meredith stomach.

Meredith shivered. "Well, I was up late last night thanks to someone..."

"It's not my fault that you were you were my intern or that the baby had extra complications and the surgery ran late. You and Yang both say it as if I kept you up all night with wild sex! I wish!"

"Addie."

"She only caught us naked because we didn't even have enough energy to grab pyjamas!"

"Addie."

Addison continued with her rambling, still not having heard Meredith. "And really, while I love cuddling with you Mer I miss you, and-"

Meredith finally cut her off with a firm kiss. Addison looked at her when they finally pulled apart, slightly dazed. "What?"

Meredith grinned. "Well, you wouldn't stop rambling and well, do you want to or not? I mean, we're both awake now..."

Addison grinned wolfishly and kissed her hungrily, flipping her over in the process.

"Do I ever!"


	6. 1,6 Grows a Warmer Kind of Life

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: A huge thank-you to everyone who added this story to their alert/favourites or reviewed, even while I was on my hiatus.  
_

**Part One, Section Six: ****Grows a warmer kind of life**

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to Mer." Addison looked at me intently, wanting reassurance.

"We've been through this. I want to Addie; I want to do this with you. I _need_ to do this with you." My reply was quick and held no hesitation.

"Are you positive?" she whispered.

I grabbed her beautiful surgeon's hands and got her to look me in the eye. "Addie. Addison. Look at me. Of course I want this. I want babies that have your red hair, your blue eyes or your nose. And if you can't carry them then you know what? I will Addie because I love you and I want you to be happy."

"What if something happens to you or to the baby and you regret this?"

My heart was breaking at the look of anguish on her face. Usually I was the one to express the doubts, not her. "Adds, I could never regret this even if we had twins, triplets or if something was wrong with the baby because it's a part of you. I know you're scared I'll get sick or have complications because you see those things happen every day since you're the best and they go to you to fix their problems, but that means that I'll have the best care possible. Okay?"

"Okay."

Kissing her quickly but tenderly, I got up off the bench and held out my hand to help her up. "Let's go see Naomi."

"Thanks Mer," she said and squeezed my hand, the both of us knowing she was thanking me for more than just the pep talk.

I put my arm around her waist and drew her close to me as we walked towards the building that would hopefully change our lives. "Anytime."


	7. 1,7 You Won't Have to Sing Alone

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: A huge thank-you to everyone who added this story to their alert/favourites or reviewed while I was gone again! This drabble concludes part one of this story and will possibly be followed by an interlude before part two begins. Part two will also consist of 7 chapters, based on the rest of the lyrics for this section of the song._

**Part One, Section Seven: ****You won't have to sing alone**

"Wake up in the mornin' with a head like what ya done

This used to be the life but I don't need another one

Good luck cuttin' nothin' carryin' on you wear them gowns

So how come I feel so lonely when you're up gettin' down?"

Meredith woke up to the sound of her girlfriend singing along to her iPod and from what she could smell, making breakfast. 'Mmm... delicious.' She was 6 1/2 months pregnant with triplets and was losing her mind since she had been off work for a month with no sign of respite coming. After talking with Naomi, they had decided to implant one of Addison's eggs and fertilize not only that but one of Meredith's as well. The treatment had worked and they would be having one boy and two girls- identical twins from Meredith's egg. She was still holding out that their boy would have Addison's nose, while Addison was hoping that their girls were the spitting image of Meredith.

All in all, Meredith didn't care who they looked like as long as they had all 10 fingers and toes and were given a clean bill of health. Addison felt the same, which was why she had been hovering non-stop. It had gotten to the point where Meredith couldn't even go to the bathroom without Addison asking if she was okay. It was frustrating sometimes but most of the time Meredith thought it was adorable that Addison was so protective of her.

Laying back on the bed and getting comfy, she reached over to get a medical journal so she could keep up with what was going on. She had been doing research from home and was putting together a clinical trial to propose after she came back from maternity leave and completed her residency. She wanted to ensure that she was at least a fellow first so that she could get credit for her work and not someone else who thought it was okay to mooch off of a resident.

Addison came upstairs with breakfast trays about 10 minutes later to see her girlfriend sleeping with the journal discarded next to her. It was so adorable that she put the trays down and snapped a picture quickly with the camera to put in the scrap book after. She sat down next to Meredith and ran her hand up and down her arm gently.

"Mer sweetheart, it's time to eat. I brought eggs, bacon, toast and grapes for you."

Meredith's eyes snapped open almost immediately at the mention of food. "Really! Have I told you how much I love you, Addie?"

Addison laughed and placed the tray in front of Meredith before settling next to her. "I don't know..."

Meredith shifted and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

Then she took Addison's hand and placed it on her stomach so she could feel the babies move. "So do the babies... they know that Mommy Addison loves them and will help Mama Meredith take care of them!"

Addison's eyes filled with tears as she felt the babies move. The two sat there, revelling in the moment and enjoying the time they had together.


	8. Interlude

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

**Interlude**

There was a crash, and then soft, lovely, peaceful blackness.

Then voices were heard, panicking, calling out names, asking someone to call an ambulance right away.

Drifting peacefully, ignoring the urgent calls to "wake up, open your eyes!"

Then there was another, a voice pleading, "please, please, I love you, all of you, stay with us, we're almost there!"

Periodically the same voice would sob, saying how it was their fault. She wanted to reach out and say "look, I'm okay, nothing is wrong," but she couldn't.

There was a crash, darkness, screaming, and then Meredith Grey knew no more.

_Before you kill me- those were the hardest hundred words I've ever written._

_*backs out of room slowly*_


	9. 2,1 I Can See You in the Snow

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: This is the beginning of the second half and as such, the beginning of the end. I apologize for the long wait. Please review and let me know what you think._

**Part Two, Section One: I can see you in the snow**

Noise. Why was there so much of it, where was it all coming from?

There was a monitor beeping frantically, why weren't they helping the patient? She needed to wake up, see if she could help the patient. Why had she been sleeping during her shift anyway?

"_We're losing her! Pass me the paddles, charge to 200. Clear!"_

Silence. What was going on?

_"Come on, come on! Charge to 300, clear! There's sinus rhythm, how does the fetal monitor look Karev?"_

The woman was pregnant? Why hadn't they paged Addison yet?

_"Not good, the babies are in distress, they all need to go into an OR right now. I'll page Robbins for the babies, Bailey for her crush injuries, Callie for that leg, we'll have to get Sloan on standby in there and it will have to be Shepherd for the neuro. She deserves the best, regardless of what's happened."_

If this woman deserved the best, where the hell was Addison? She was the best.

_"What do I tell Montgomery? She's freaking out, what do I tell her? That we'll do our best? I... I guess that's it. Okay, I'll go see her and book the surgery."_

That's when it hit her. Deserving Shepherd regardless, Addison not being allowed in... no. NO! Her babies, her babies!

Meredith Grey finally opened her eyes, but not to find herself looking up from the table at doctors. No, she was looking down at her body, her prone, bleeding, crushed pregnant body. Her hand flew immediately to her stomach to find it flat. What did that mean? Her babies were going to be okay, right? God wouldn't take them away, would he?

Come on babies, she whispered. You can do this. Be stronger than Mommy, please!

"Meredith, why do you always have to get yourself into trouble?"

She turned around slowly, then threw herself at the person and started to sob, the person she needed the most when she couldn't be with the love of her life.

"Mommy!"

No matter what had happened the last time, she was still surprised when Ellis hugged her back. "You'll pull through Meredith; they won't give up on you. You'll go back this time too, I won't let them keep you from your babies. You'll make an amazing mother, Meredith."

She just sobbed harder and took comfort in her mother's embrace, unwilling to let go and watch them roll her towards the OR. She couldn't see the monitor stats or the grim looks on their faces. Only one thing could make her look up, and it was something that would haunt her forever.

_"Meredith! Meredith come back to us, I love you, please Meredith, Meredith, Meredith!"_

Nothing would ever erase the sound of Addison Montgomery's pleas from her ears.


	10. 2,2 Crystal Tears Have Started Drying

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: My exams end this Thursday and I hope to have this finished before I go back for a 2 week course the middle of July. This one is for Kelly- happy belated birthday! Sorry I couldn't get anything up last week. Also- tissue warning. You may need some!_

**Part 2, Section 2: Crystal tears have started drying**

There was something serene about this place, even though she only came here when bad things happened. She shouldn't like it here, she knew she shouldn't, but when she couldn't be with her Addison, being with her mother was pretty fantastic. Of course, you had to overlook the fact that her mother was dead... after that it was pretty great.

She had pulled through surgery, miraculously, and all three of her beautiful babies were fighting for their lives in the NICU. Denny had come by and he and her mother had told her about how extensive her injuries were and how lucky she was that she was alive. They hadn't told her about her babies though, but when they had guided her to see how Addison was the look on her face told her everything she needed to know.

Someone wasn't going to make it.

So it wasn't entirely surprising when she was sitting on the stairs, talking to Denny and her mom that a screaming child suddenly appeared in front of her. She immediately picked him up and cradled him close, realizing instinctively that this was her baby boy. This was Addison's baby boy. She couldn't begin to describe how irrevocably sad she was that she was holding their child in the in between place, the place she went to when she had near death whatevers. She knew it was the only chance she would have to hold their son though, so she took full advantage of it, holding him close and whispering soothing words until he stopped crying.

When she felt a pull, she hugged him, kissed his head and gave him to her mother, before walking away slowly, not wanting to leave her son but wanting to see her daughters and Addison.

"Meredith?"

"Yes, mom?"

"What's his name?"

Meredith paused, thinking of how much fun they had had choosing his name.

"Declan. His name is Declan James Montgomery-Grey."

"I'll take care of him. Your baby girls will be just as extraordinary as you someday."

So Meredith Grey trusted Ellis with one of her most precious possessions and with the help of her little sister Molly, fought her way back to her family.


	11. 2,3 There's Something in These Lights

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: Sorry for the wait. I've been busy and even when I started writing this it took me a long time to finish it. You'll understand after you've read it.  
_

**Part 2, Section 3: There's something in these lights that glow**

Meredith regained consciousness slowly, trying her best to not fight the intubation tube as she struggled to breath.

Tyler had been in the room monitoring her vitals when he saw Meredith start to wake up. "Dr. Grey! Meredith, it's Tyler. Don't panic, I'll take it out on three, okay? You know what to do. One, two, three!"

Meredith coughed when she was supposed to and was immensely relieved when the tube was dislodged from her throat.

With a raspy voice, she managed to choke out, "Ice chips? Please?"

Tyler nodded and ran to grab some, trying to find Dr. Montgomery along the way. Unsuccessful in half of his mission, he brought Meredith her ice.

"I tried to find Dr. Montgomery but I didn't see her. Do you want me to page her?"

"No... can you please get her yourself Tyler? I know that you're not a gopher, but she's in the NICU, and she's probably really upset right now."

"How do you know where she is?" he asked, looking at her strangely.

"I just do... please, Tyler? Please?" she pleaded.

He finally agreed, and went on his way to find her. Unsurprisingly (to Meredith, at least), he returned with Addison in tow less than 10 minutes later.

"Meredith! Oh Mer, you're awake! You're awake!" As soon as Addison entered her room, she seemed torn between giving her space and crushing her. You could tell from how swollen her eyes were that this wasn't the first time she had cried today.

"Addie... I'm so sorry. So, so sorry... I didn't mean too!" Meredith sobbed into the arms that had carefully wound their way around her.

"Meredith... Meredith listen to me. It's not your fault, don't you dare believe it! Our car was in the right lane and that asshole hit you. It is not your fault at all, understand?" Addison lifted her tear stained face to meet Meredith's, which matched hers.

Meredith's sobs increased tenfold. "But- but our baby boy is gone and I couldn't protect him! I couldn't protect our baby Declan Addie, our baby boy- your baby boy- and now my precious little piece of _you_ is gone!"

Addison's gasp of shock caused her to look up again. "How did you- how did you know he was gone? You just woke up, no one's told you, how did you know? And it wasn't your fault, no matter what anyone says- _I _was the driver, _my_ side should have been hit, not yours. I escaped without even a scratch on my body and you and our babies almost died- little Declan did die! The girls are fighting for their lives!"

Slowly and painfully she moved herself to the right of her bed and patted the spot she had made on her left. "Come lay with me Addie- I need to hold you while I tell you this."

Addison stood hesitantly and walked around the bed, hovering above the spot. "Are you sure it won't hurt you?"

"It will a little bit, I'm sure, but most of my injuries are on my right side and I need to hold you. In fact I think you need to hold me too."

Addison sank slowly down and let herself be pulled into Meredith's embrace, wrapping her arms around her broken body as tightly as she dared and taking comfort from the embrace she had craved. A hiss of pain caused her to try and move away but Meredith's undamaged left arm held her in place.

"Don't, I'll be okay. Do you remember when I was in the water?"

"Of course. I used to think that was the worst day of my life until this happened. What about it?"

"Do you remember how I told you that I saw Denny, Liz, Dylan, Bonnie, Doc and my mom? How I told you that they gave me a choice to go back?"

Addison nodded slowly, not understanding where this was going. "Yes... what does that have to do with this?"

Meredith took as deep a breath as her injuries allowed and began her tale. "When I first became aware of my surroundings, I heard a voice calling for me to be okay. I didn't understand what was happening because to me, everything was okay. The second time, I could hear my monitors beeping and everyone working to save me- except at the time I thought that it was some patient and I had fallen asleep. I realized what had happened when they mentioned how you must be feeling and I connected how they had spoken about Derek and asking for Arizona instead and came to the awful realization that I was the patient half dead on the table."

Addison gave a strangled sob at this and Meredith squeezed her tightly, kissing her forehead. "Hey now, I'm here with you."

She continued, "I opened my eyes and sat up in the in between place and I immediately turned to look at my body. I was terrified by what I saw and my hand immediately went to what should have been my baby bump, but it wasn't there. I panicked and then I could hear your cries as clear as if you were next to me- and I did come back to you and I love you more than I ever thought possible. Just then my mom showed up and held me as I cried. I was so scared Addie, I thought for sure that I was going to die and that our babies wouldn't make it. It would have been- _it is_- my fault that they didn't all stay safe inside my womb... it's my duty as their mother to protect them. Don't even argue with me on that, I was their human incubator and I let them down.

"I don't know how much time had passed- I don't know how much time has passed here since the crash, either- but my mom told me how serious my injuries had been and Denny came to tell me that I had pulled through surgery, that the predetermined period of time had passed and I was out of the woods. I can't imagine what you went through and I cannot apologize enough. We all decided I shouldn't watch my own surgery, even though I wanted to out of morbid curiosity, but I spent the time praying to a God that I don't believe in that our babies would be okay. Eventually after a lot of my begging I was led to see you- and you were in the NICU. I knew by the look on your face that our babies were terribly sick and that one of them wasn't going to make it. Not too long after that- for me, at least- one of them appeared on a table in front of me, signalling their fight for survival. It was Declan, I realized as I picked him up and held him close. He looked just like you, Addie- he had soft tufts of red hair, your nose and his facial structure was a softer, smaller version of yours. I sobbed as I held him, calming his cries and cuddling him close. I even-"

Here her voice hitched as she fought through a sob. "I even got to nurse him. After what seemed like minutes but could have been days, I felt the pull that meant my time had come to come back to you. I said goodbye to our precious boy and gave him to my mother, who promised me that she would take good care of him. She said that I would be a great mother and that you would be a great one too- that we would all be extraordinary. She even said she loved his name when I told her what it was. Giving him up- it was the hardest thing I've done. Before I left, Molly came. She thanked us for taking care of Laura and promised to help raise Declan. She also told me that the girls would pull through. Molly was the one that helped guide me back, it was a tough fight and without her I would still be there. I only came back because I knew that you and the girls needed me. Someday we'll see him again, but until then... he was so _small_ Addie, he shouldn't have been there! That's how I knew that you were in the NICU and that Declan had passed- I held him as he took his last breaths on earth, just like I know you did."

"Mer, it was not your fault. How could we have known what would happen? You had a check up planned with Arizona; we couldn't have avoided leaving the house that day. None of us knew..." Addison trailed off as she realized that it hadn't been her fault either. Sitting up, she moved so her hand was on Meredith's cheek.

Meredith spoke again, her voice full of emotion. "It wasn't your fault either. Molly and our moms are with him now and I didn't go back on my promise to never leave you."

Addison looked deeply into her eyes before answering. "Molly will love him like we have loved Laura."

"Of course."

Leaning in slowly, Addison pressed her lips to Meredith's in a desperate kiss that expressed all of her emotions over the past two weeks and then some. Meredith returned the kiss hungrily, having missed her beautiful other half. Pulling away, Addison rested her head on Meredith's chest as Meredith's hand ran through her hair.

"I missed you Addie."

"I missed you too." Addison's response was muffled into her hospital gown but she lifted her head and looked into Meredith's eyes as she continued. "Don't you _ever_ leave me."

"Nothing could keep me away again."

Meredith finally broke into harsh sobs that consumed her as she held on to her wife as tightly as she could, both of them mourning the loss of their youngest child and only son. Meredith cried for the life she had "failed" to protect and save, Addison cried for the pain her wife had been in and the loss of her baby boy that had been the source of the deepest connection she had ever felt with Meredith, and their tears continued as they thought of the little girls that would never be able to grow with their baby brother.

Their tears continued long into the night when they finally fell into a restless slumber, Addison still tucked into Meredith's side. Even the nurses didn't dare disturb the grieving couple until pre-rounds the next morning.


	12. 2,4 A Saviour In a Manger Lying

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: Something light and fluffy before the darkest part of the year begins and I potentially flash back. Happy Samhain everyone!_

**Part 2, Section 4: A Saviour in a manger lying**

Their hair was done and their princess makeup put on... now all that was left was to get them out the door. Well, that and find Meredith. Where the hell had she gone?

"Mer? Meredith? Evie and Bella are ready to go!"

"Hang on, I'm coming!"

Meredith came flying down the stairs, dressed in her scrubs and lab coat as her "costume". Not that I could really comment since I was dressed the same way, of course. The girls thought it was funny when we wore our work clothes as our costumes and well, Meredith looked damn hot in her scrubs, even after the accident.

She bent down in front of the girls and hugged them quickly, being careful not to mess up their hair. "Ready to take a picture to bring to your brother?"

"Yes Mama!" Evie cried, bouncing up and down. "Are you and Mommy going to be in it this year?"

"Of course! We're always in it, silly. Go sit on the stairs, I'll put the camera on a timer okay?"

As they ran over to the stairs, Meredith intercepted me as I was setting up the camera and kissed me on the cheek, causing the girls to squeal.

"Mommy, that's so gross!"

Meredith just laughed and squeezed my hand before going to join them on the stairs. "Squeeze in and make sure you leave space for Mama girls!"

After setting the timer I went over to them and sat down next to Bella, making sure I had a smile on my face when the flash went off. Meredith went over to check the picture while the two 8 year olds bounced excitedly.

"Can we go now? Pretty please, pretty please? I want to go get some candy Mama!"

Putting on my best annoyed face I answered with "Isabelle Marie Montgomery-Grey, if you don't calm down right now you'll have to stay home. Go ask Mommy if the picture turned out okay and if it did, you can go wait outside okay?"

Slightly more subdued (but only just!) she walked over to Meredith and in her sweetest voice asked, "Mommy, can you pretty please tell me if the picture is okay? Evie and I would really like to go trick-or-treating now!"

Meredith grinned at me before answering her. "You know what Bella? This picture is probably one of the best ones yet. You two can go wait on the front porch, okay?"

"Thanks Mommy, you're the best!"

And with that, they both ran for the front door and started jumping around on the porch.

"Well, thank goodness! If they keep that up they'll be tired pretty quickly."

"I don't know Mer, those two always have always had lots of energy, especially Evelyn."

She sighed, packing up the camera. "Declan probably would have been just like her."

After she had put it down I went over and hugged her, rubbing her back. "Maybe, but Molly's probably taking him trick-or-treating right now and they're probably driving Ellis crazy!"

Meredith grinned. "Bizzy and Archer too most likely!"

She kissed me on the lips and then started towards the door and I caught her completely off-guard when my hand grabbed her wrist and I pushed her against the wall, kissing her hungrily. "Have I told you lately how amazing you look in your navy scrubs?"

Meredith moaned as I grinded my hips into her, her fingers tangled in my hair. "No- but we really should go Addie, the girls-" she gasped.

"They can wait a few seconds," I said breathlessly as my hand started to find its way into her pants.

Just as I was seconds away from my goal, the door flew open and caused us to spring apart, fixing our clothes and hair quickly before whichever daughter it was came around the corner.

"Mommy! Mama! You two said you'd be a minute, you're taking ages!" Evelyn complained, coming over and grabbing Meredith's hand. "Let's go!"

Sighing, I followed along and locked the door behind us. The girls led the way and I smiled at Meredith, taking her hand in mine. "We'll finish that later."

"Obviously!"


	13. 2,5 Up Above These Blankets White

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: I took a break from my Writer's Craft story and this is what happened. Enjoy!_

**Part 2, Section 5: Up above these blankets white**

"Momma?"

I sighed, listening to the monitor to see if the sound would be repeated.

"Momma? Mooomma!"

Sure enough, it was. I gently pried Addison's hand from around my waist and crept out of the room, putting on my bathrobe as I went. Tiptoeing into the girls' room, I immediately saw that it was Isabelle who was awake.

"What's wrong, Belle?" I scooped her out of her bed when she held out her arms. Even though they were 3 and had moved into big girl beds a long time ago, they frequently had nightmares so we had decided to leave the monitor in there. Instead of getting up and coming to us right away, they normally liked to call out for us and make us go to them.

Isabelle sniffled and rubbed her sleepy blue eyes. "I had a dream, Momma."

I hugged her tightly and rhythmically smoothed her hair. "Was it a bad dream or a good dream Belle?"

"A good one. Declan says hello. Who's Declan, Momma? I can't remember what you said."

My breath caught in my throat as Isabelle's simple words cut straight through my heart. Declan was never far from my mind but we had never really talked to them about him. We wanted to wait until they were older and could understand before we told them more- for now, all they knew was that he was their brother and he'd gone to Heaven to be with Grandma Ellis and Grandma Bizzy.

"Declan was your brother, sweetie. He's in Heaven, remember?"

"Yes. He said that you need to stop feeling so sad. Why did he say that?"

"Well..."

How do you explain to your three year old that her brother was dead because you couldn't protect him?

"He said that because your Momma and I were in a car accident when she was carrying the three of you in her tummy. Momma feels sad because she never got to really meet him and she didn't want him to go."

Addison's voice saved me from answering and when I turned to her I could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Mommy!" Isabelle whispered, letting go of me and running over to Addison, who picked her up and hugged her tightly.

"Hi sweetheart."

Isabelle yawned and Addison walked her back over to her bed. "I think you're getting sleepy Belle. We'll talk to you more about your brother tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," she yawned. "Night Momma, night Mommy."

With that she closed her eyes, snuggled into her blankets, wrapped her arm around her favourite stuffed animal and immediately fell back asleep.

I stood in the doorway and leaned into Addison, relishing in the feel of her arm around my waist.

"I should have turned off the monitor. Sorry we woke you up."

She smiled and placed a kiss on the top of my head. "It's okay Mer, I don't mind. We're lucky she didn't wake Evie up!"

Addison was right- if Evie had woken up we would have been up for the rest of the night.

"Do you believe she really saw Declan Mer?" she asked softly.

"After everything that's happened, yes, I do. Let's just go back to bed Addie, we're both tired and we can talk about it in the morning. I'm too shocked to really think about it anyways."

"Okay, but promise me we'll talk about this first thing tomorrow morning?"

I squeezed her hand as we walked back to our room and got into bed. "Right after breakfast. I love you Addie."

"Love you too Mer."


	14. 2,6 Are Angels Filling Up The Sky

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: It's travelling season again and as my family contemplates another trip to Vancouver to visit family I couldn't resist throwing it in. It's been awhile since I've been in the Vancouver airport so the little description that exists is based off of Pearson International, the one I'm most familiar with. This is for anyone who's thought that they've lost (or heaven forbid, actually have permanently lost) a wee loved one, be it sibling, cousin or child in a busy area. There is some sort of angel that helps them back to you!_

**Part 2, Section 6: Are angels filling up the sky**

"Found you, Mama!"

Meredith jumped as she felt a small body slam into her legs. Spotting the suitcase on the belt, she grabbed it and placed it next to the other two. Bending over, she scooped the four year old into her arms.

"Isabelle! What are you doing here? I told you to stay with Mommy and Evelyn, did I not?"

The little girl nodded and smiled winningly. "But I was bored Mama! I wanted to go see you right now and go see aaaallll the pretty places you said were in Vancouver. You said we could go see the statues they built for those big games!"

Meredith sighed as she put Isabelle back down. Her children would surely be the death of her! "Where are Mommy and Evelyn? They're probably worried about you sweetie. You shouldn't have run off like that, you could have been hurt!"

Isabelle stuck her bottom lip out and tears welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry Mama, I just wanted to come see you."

In a flash Meredith had her in her arms again, squeezing her tightly. "I'm not mad at you Belle, you just have to never ever do that again, okay? Airports are busy places and sometimes there are bad people in them. We wouldn't want to lose you!"

Isabelle nodded and Meredith wiped her eyes before getting back up from where she'd been kneeling on the floor. "Let's look around for Mommy and Evie. Let me know if you see them Belle."

After a few moments Isabelle pointed behind Meredith excitedly. "Right there Mama, right there!"

Sure enough, Meredith turned around to find Addison rushing towards them with Evelyn in her arms and a panicked look on her face that subsided when she saw Meredith holding Isabelle.

"Isabelle!" Addison quickly squeezed between the throngs of people and expertly switched daughters with Meredith when they reached them so that Meredith now held Evelyn. "I was so worried! Placing kisses all over her face she squeezed her tightly. Clearing her throat she expertly shifted Isabelle onto her hip while grabbing a bag and putting it onto the cart Meredith had found earlier. "Let's go and find a cab to get to the hotel, okay?"

Meredith voiced her consent and loaded the other two bags onto the cart, allowing Evelyn to sit on it after arguing for a moment. Evelyn chattered the whole way to the cab bay and continued the whole way to the hotel. Normally it would be a problem but Meredith was just amused by it and Addison was too relieved about Isabelle being safe to notice.

The family had flown to Vancouver for a neurology conference that Meredith was set to be a key speaker at. She had made attending two years before and was recognized as one of the leading neurosurgeons in the country with 3 clinical trials under her belt. She made sure to be the opposite of her mother; family always came first so when this opportunity had come up they had decided that May would be a lovely time for a family trip. The girls had enjoyed watching the figure skating and the hockey during the Olympics and were excited for the chance to visit the Olympic Village.

Meredith had returned to work when the twins were 8 months old, unable to take any more time off due to her position as a fifth-year resident. When she had returned she'd discovered that the chief resident position had been held for her and she was glad to have her job back. With 2 months to go in her residency she had formally declared for neurosurgery and made plans to further focus on the spine. She and Addison had become a force to be reckoned with when they teamed up on cases and with Derek's help she had developed a protocol that eradicated a previously fatal brain tumour. Each step she took to improve someone else's life and each case that involved a child that survived healed the gaping wound that Declan's death had left a little bit more.

As they tucked the girls into their shared bed and climbed into their own, Meredith couldn't help but smile at the thought of the fun they were going to have in Vancouver and the adventures that would last (hopefully) for the rest of their lives.


	15. 2,7 A Star Is Burning In The Night

Obligatory disclaimer: sadly, Grey's Anatomy is property of Shonda Rhimes and ABC, not me.

_A/N: After a little over a year of writing this and over 21 pages on Microsoft Word, what was originally meant to be just a few drabbles is complete. This last one is for Clai, Kelly and Katie, who encouraged me to keep going when I wanted to throw the towel in. Cheers ladies! Hopefully now that this is finished I will be able to return to writing for Saving Meredith when my creative writing class isn't taking up all my time. It's been a long and winding road, but thank you so much for traveling it with me. One last review (for old time's sake, you know?) would be much appreciated. Happy holidays everyone!_

**Part 2, Section 7: A star is burning in the night**

Meredith could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she was carefully moved from her bed and into the wheelchair. It wasn't so much from the pain (she was on such a high dose of painkillers that she felt like a kite) but that her and Addison were about to go down to the morgue so that she could say goodbye to Declan. It had been two weeks since the accident and two days since he had passed and she had woken up; she had wanted to go earlier but she hadn't been stable enough to be moved.

The trip through the halls and to the elevator seemed never-ending: people kept staring at her and whispering and all she wanted was to see her son. She wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotions as they stared at their son's body- she felt Addison's hands tighten on her shoulders and felt her body shake with sobs.

Gently she ran her fingers across his face, ignoring the pain that came with moving her arm.

"Hey there little guy. I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe so that you could be with us. Do you remember me from when we were up there together? I told you all about your Mommy and how amazing she is. Have fun with your Grandma Ellis and be good for Auntie Molly, okay? And remember that your Grandma Bizzy will be there for you too. Auntie Izzie and Uncle George will probably spoil you rotten- make sure you ask Uncle George about turkey hunting when you're older!"

Her voice cracked as she finished her speech. "I love you baby. Please watch over your sisters for us and someday we'll all be together again."

She started crying as she finished, wrapping her arms as tight as she could around Addison, who had moved to kneel in front of her. They were both overcome with grief and stayed that way for quite a while. Addison had already said goodbye but hadn't realized how hard it would be to see him again and listen to her wife's goodbye.

Eventually they left the morgue and went up to the NICU where their daughters were slowly healing. Isabelle was only hooked up to oxygen since her lungs were underdeveloped but was fine other than that, while Evelyn had a lot more tubes attached to her since she was having problems with her aorta. Arizona had told them that she may have to operate on it but they were hopeful that it would improve in the next several days, negating the need for surgery. Meredith hadn't been completely listening while she had been talking to them, instead drinking in the twin's appearances.

They were quite clearly fraternal twins, with Isabelle being the more delicate looking of the two. She had a full head of blonde hair and when her eyes were open you could see that they were a bright shade of blue- Meredith hoped they stayed that way. Evelyn had a tuft of red hair and her eyes had more of a greenish tinge to them, making her look more like the donor and Addison by extension. Their faces were almost identical to hers and overall she wouldn't change a thing about them.

More tears came to her eyes as she thought of their names and why they had chosen them. Isabelle Marie was named for Izzie and for Addison's Aunt Marie, one of the only relatives that she had been close to and admired. Evelyn Joy was named for the joy they had felt when they had found out that the eggs had taken and because when she was very little, Meredith had dreamed of a daughter named Evelyn. Declan… Declan James had been named for a childhood friend of Meredith's whose family had taken her in when Ellis was gone for long periods of time. James was two years older than she was and when they were younger he used to pretend that she was his princess. Declan came from Addison's dreams of having a child before she became focused on her career.

That night, Addison curled up in bed with Meredith, trying as hard as she could not to hurt her but needing to be close to her. Meredith slept peacefully, blissfully unaware of her wife's thoughts. It was impossible for her to imagine coping without Meredith and she hadn't told her the extent of her grief over the last two weeks. She had spent the first 12 days between here and the NICU, trying to watch over everyone at once and hating how helpless she felt. She had thought that only Isabelle was going to survive and had been so happy when the doctors had said Evelyn was going to pull through. Declan had needed several surgeries and the worse he got, the more she c lung to the fact that her girls were alive.

When Declan had died… she wiped the tears from her face, careful not to disturb Meredith. When he had died, she had truly believed that the girls were all she was going to have left to remind her of Meredith and the family they could have had. They had been more Meredith's then hers after all, with Declan being her biological child… and he was dead. Meredith had been comatose for 12 days when she woke up and had been touch and go the entire time. She hadn't been out of the woods when she had woken up but Addison had been so relieved to find out that there wasn't any brain damage and she wasn't going to be alone that it didn't matter what else happened.

Now they would be able to go home in approximately two weeks, with Isabelle being the first slated to be released. As Addison fell asleep, she counted her blessings for the family she had left with her and drifted off peacefully, imagining the recitals, graduations and weddings to come- all things that her and Meredith would be able to experience together, as the Montgomery-Greys.

**THE END.**


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